Russell Brand doesn’t masturbate too much

Hmm, really?!

Russell told Rolling Stone magazine that whilst he’s on tour he doesn’t touch himself too much, but we’re a little dubious about that. The man is a recovering sexaholic!

Brand said: “Whilst on tour, I masturbate a little bit, but not too much. It’s similar to the monkeys you see masturbating at the zoo, where it’s like ‘Zookeeper! Zookeeper! There’s something wrong with that monkey!’

“And then, of course, if you ejaculate onto yourself, there’s that beautiful, transcendent, orgasmic moment of relief, then you walk to the bathroom, clean up and you catch yourself in the mirror and it’s like, ‘I don’t know what you’re looking at! Kings have done that!’.”

Russell then went on, “Going on a voyage of self-discovery isn’t as exciting as getting your c**k sucked while chomping on chocolate and playing Nintendo, is it?

“Ultimately, it’s more gratifying. And my life will be ascetic and about denial. But I’m not there yet, so the conflict continues.”

Right… Well thanks for that Russell. We’ve learnt so much from that.. Lucky Katy, eh?!